When I Realised It Wasn’t the Break I Needed

I used to think I needed a break from my kids all the time… like i was always waiting for that moment in the day where no one needed me, no one was touching me, no one was asking me for anything. Id count down to nap time, to bedtime, to just having a second to myself and then one day it kind of hit me… even when I got the break, I didn’t feel how I thought i would. I wasn’t suddenly relaxed or refreshed, i was just… quiet. and sometimes even a bit lost and bored.

The house would be still and instead of enjoying it i’d find myself scrolling, or thinking about everything i hadn’t done, or feeling guilty for not missing them enough in that moment.

And then the other day, nothing special, just one of those normal afternoons, he was sitting on the floor playing with something he’d already played with a hundred times and he looked up at me and just smiled like I was his whole world. No big moment, no milestone, just that. After seeing one of Grace's post on Her Daily Reverie, it popped into my head and reminded me to just take this moment in. Take a million mental pictures.

I agree with Grace so deeply that I don’t want to rush through these years just to get to a version of life where it’s quieter, because I know one day it will be, and i’ll probably wish it wasn’t.

So i’m trying a little more each day, to stop waiting for the break and start finding small moments of calm while i’m still in it. Even if it’s just standing there, taking a breath, and letting myself actually notice what’s in front of me.

Because this season is loud and messy and exhausting… but it’s also the one I know i’ll miss the most. 🤎